Mindfully letting go: the power of forgiveness
It can feel impossible to forgive when the pain goes deep and it can also require great strength because it’s far braver give up the need to prove a point or right a wrong than it is to let go.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing or condoning an action that’s been taken. What it means is you’re finally able to move on, you’re finally able to heal. It releases anger, resentment and breaks the chains of the past, creating closure and freedom.
The cost of not offering ourselves and others forgiveness is that it uses up our energy and mind space as well as preventing us from moving forward.
Forgiveness isn't something you do for the person who wronged you; it's something you do for yourself.
Next time you are faced with a challenging situation see if you can use this mindful breathing exercise to help you move forward and heal your hurt.
Place your attention on the time you felt betrayed, misunderstood, rejected, or deceived.
It could be a time when someone let you down, or a time you didn’t feel appreciated or respected… Bring to mind that scenario, and start with something small if it’s your first time practicing this exercise.
See if it’s possible to connect with what’s beneath that hurt. Breathing into the feelings of that experience.봉수아출장안마
Bring that person to mind, and really get close, connecting with the emotion of what happened.
See if it’s possible to connect with what’s beneath that hurt. Breathing into the feelings of that experience.
Now see if it’s possible to find the slightest compassion for this person, knowing that we all make mistakes, we all make poor choices and lack foresight.
See if you’re able to connect with the slightest understanding of why the person you’re envisioning may have acted in this hurtful way.
See if you’re able to see past the exterior into the hurt or fear or confusion that might have been driving that person.
If you feel unable to release anger, pain or resentment in this moment, that’s okay. Accept that forgiveness isn’t something that can be forced.
“Would I rather have this feeling, or would I rather be free?”
And just sit with that question for a moment.
Again, there’s no right or wrong answer, just the answer that’s true for you right now.
So spend a few moments, connecting with that place within yourself that wants to be free and see if the slightest amount of forgiveness is possible.
You don’t have to necessarily focus on the person, simply sink into what peace and freedom would feel like.
Breathe in to that place of hurt and offer it some warmth, offer it space and compassion.
Breathe into what’s here, seeing if you’re ready to accept the invitation to let go.
On your next inhale, breathe in forgiveness, then, as you exhale, feel the release that comes with letting go.
Follow the breath drawing in forgiveness, and on the out-breath, feel into the release of letting go.
This causes problems. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain or ruin relationships, distract us from work and family and other important things, make us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens.
We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
This is something I learned the hard way — after years of holding onto anger at a loved one that stemmed from my childhood and teen-age years, I finally let go of this anger (about 8 years ago or so). I forgave, and not only has it improved my relationship with this loved one tremendously, it has also helped me to be happier.
Forgiveness can change your life.
Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior — you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.
It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it.
If you’re holding onto pain, reliving it, and can’t let go and forgive
Forgiveness and Letting Go -
How to Achieve It
The ability to achieve forgiveness and let go of past hurts is one of the most critical challenges many of us face on the road to attaining personal peace and happiness.
While it certainly isn't easy, it is absolutely necessary for long-term mental and emotional heath.
Forgiveness can be defined as the decision to let go of resentment, anger, and thoughts of revenge as a result of a real, or perceived offense, hurt, or wrongdoing against you.
Forgiving someone does not mean denying a person's responsibility for hurting you, nor does it mean minimizing, or justifying the act. It does mean willing to forgive someone without condoning or excusing what they did, and then letting it go.
According to Dr. Robert Enright, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin and a pioneer in the scientific study of forgiveness - forgiveness is a choice. It is the process of uncovering and letting go of anger, while restoring hope and moving on with life. He writes:
"People, upon rationally determining that they have been unfairly treated, forgive when they willfully abandon resentment and related responses (to which they have a right) and endeavor to respond to the wrong doer based on the moral principle of beneficence, which may include compassion, unconditional worth, generosity and moral love (to which the wrong doer by nature of the hurtful act or acts, has no right.)"
In other words, while there is no question that we have the right to feel resentment and the desire to respond accordingly, we have the ability to make the choice not to. When we do, we refuse to play the role of the victim and we let go of the control and power that the offending person, or situation, has over us. We choose to not allow grudges, hurt or wrongdoings to define our lives.
How can we attain forgiveness and letting go?
✔ Begin by acknowledging what hurt or offended you. While denying the hurtful offence may be the first thing you may want to do, it is best to admit that it happened. Reflect upon it; take note how you reacted, and what it has done to your health and well-being. Be able to articulate what was unacceptable about the situation.
✔ Look for a broader perspective on what took place. Make the attempt to understand the other person. Was the offense deliberate, or merely mindless and insensitive? Perhaps the person had no idea they hurt you, or was suffering from something themselves. Did they do it out of selfishness, recklessness, or were there other unknown circumstances at play? Sometimes going through the process of trying to understand the situation sheds new light on the matter and may lessen the hurtful response. It is also possible that you may have been oversensitive at the time. Hurt feelings are invariably subjective. Perhaps you were having a bad day; perhaps they were.
If you happen to know the hurtful act was deliberate, vicious and intended to harm you, then you may have to 'reframe' the situation. Reframing is a technique whereby you change the conceptual or emotional viewpoint from which you experience an event and put it in a different context or frame of reference. For instance, there are those who do harm to others thinking it will alleviate their own pain and distress. They lash out regardless of whom they are hurting, or how. Your ability to sort through a hurtful occurrence and put it into a different "framework" will prepare you to begin the process of forgiveness and letting it go.
✔ Work through the emotions. As well as acknowledging the event, acknowledge the anger, frustration and myriad emotions, but do not get stuck in them. 
Practice stress management techniques such as exercise, yoga, deep breathing, guided meditations, or anything else you find soothing and relaxing. Using cognitive strategies like writing in a journal, or talking to a wise friend or counselor, is also very beneficial.
In recent studies done on forgiveness coping strategies, it was found that men responded positively when it was presented as a challenge to them, and negatively when it involved emotion-focused coping. For women, however, it was found to be positively associated with emotion-focused coping and acceptance, and negatively associated with avoidance. Thus, based on these findings, if you're a man, it is more helpful to approach forgiveness as a challenge, or goal to accomplish. If you're a woman working on acceptance, understanding, and compassion may lead you there more successfully.
✔ Commit towards letting go and moving on. Remember first that the act of forgiving is more for your own benefit than anyone else's. Secondly, forgiveness and letting go take time, so be patient with yourself. Certainly, it can be difficult to separate what you feel emotionally with what makes sense to do logically. However, if you commit to putting your energies on focusing on the benefits of forgiveness and letting go, you can more easily move forward with your life.
Letting go can be defined as: "A combination of accepting, but not denying; living in the present and looking forward to the future without regret for the past, and a willingness to move on and beyond."
Researchers and scientists have been discovering the health benefits of attaining forgiveness. Their studies have shown that serious mental, emotional and physical consequences can result from holding on to grudges and bitterness. Consequences such as depression, anxiety and the feeling that your life lacks meaning and purpose, as well as the loss of valuable connectedness with family and friends become high prices to pay for holding on to resentment.
✔ Get Professional Help If You Need It. If you find it too difficult to forgive and let go on your own, especially if the offending acts have been traumatic, or are ongoing, then consider working through your feelings and deeper issues with a good therapist. It would be more than worth your while to gain the peace of mind you seek and to move forward with your life.
The Benefits of Forgiveness and Letting Go
- Increased happiness and health with improved functioning of cardiovascular and nervous systems and less overall illnesses
- Restored positive thoughts, feelings, behaviors and promotes overall psychological well being
- Increased compassion, understanding and healing
- Reduced stress, anxiety, depression and chronic pain
- Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse
- Ability to function better in career, education, work place
- Increases hope and optimism for the future
Ultimately, the act of forgiveness releases us from past hurts, memories and enslavement. Alternatively,출장안마 to not forgive is to surrender oneself to the control of others and allow the present to be consumed by the past. If we choose not to forgive, we subject ourselves to the possibility of carrying anger, bitterness and resentment into future situations and relationships, as well as deprive ourselves of the peace of mind, health and happiness we deserve.
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Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you and how they affect your behavior, and work to release them. Choose to forgive the person who's offended you. Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life.
ReplyDeleteWho hasn't been hurt by the actions or words of another? Perhaps a parent constantly criticized you growing up, a colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. Or maybe you've had a traumatic experience, such as being physically or emotionally abused by someone close to you.
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